I am a victim of my own mistakes

People tend to shift the blame on others all the time.  Apparently, this is a very human behavior wherein people want to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.  People would blame just about everybody else but themselves.

In this blog of mine, I don't really remember saying that I am blameless for the things that have happened to me.  If there has been one thing that I have shared in this space lately, it's the fact that I am miserable without my family and that I am trying to deal with this as best I can.  I never claimed innocence nor have I blamed anybody other than myself for my misery.

I have always maintained that I want to get my family back and I am serious about this.  I do admit however that I do not have a clear plan on how I intend to go about this endeavor because of a few things.  I'm still kinda lost with the small details.

There was a time that my wife told me two things:
1. That she doesn't like being forced into a corner (Wag ko daw siya i-pressure)
2. That I shouldn't go overboard in my efforts (Wag daw akong OA)

So I go and think of how not to put too much pressure on her and not go overboard in my efforts to get her to understand that I want us to be a family again.  I go the diplomatic route and tell her that I want to fix things and that I am asking her to sit down with me so we can fix things.  And all this does for me is earn a remark that I was not doing my best to fix things between us..

I had asked her in the past what exactly she wanted from me and that I will do it.  But she wouldn't give me a straight answer.  I can't read minds.  I'm also emotionally impaired by all this so I can't think straight and formulate a plan of action.  Now I don't really know what I should be doing to prove my sincerity in all this. Is all this posting just casting further doubt on my intentions?  Am I just pretending to be some goody-two-shoes who got the short end of the stick?  No.  I'm some flawed schmuck trying to fix my messed up life.

And I pray to God for His help for all of this.  I really need all the help I can get.